


The Evolution Of Them

by ninwrites



Series: Thicker Than Blood [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anger/Frustration Issues, Angst, As Much As Is Possible In A Human AU, Birthdays, Bonding, Canon Gay Character, Character Development, Crushes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Foster Parents/Adoption, Friendship, From Childhood, Gen, Heavy References To The Books, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, In A Sense Of Bonds, Jace Has A Bad Past, Jace Is Adopted By The Lightwoods, Jace Plays Piano, M/M, Nightmares, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Poor thing, Secrets, Self-Denial, Self-Discovery, Sexuality Crisis, Similair To Parabatai, Slow Build, So Many Library Moments, Some To The Show, Soulmates, To Teenagers, mostly canon-compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6337495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec and Jace are soulmates, connected in a bond far bigger than either of them could imagine. Being connected in such a way means that even if it feels like the whole world is against them, one thing they can both be certain of, is each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Evolution Of Them

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a Jace/Alec in a romantic sense. This is what I imagine Jace and Alec's bond to be like from basically the moment they met - only set in an AU world with soulmates. Also, they're aged by a few years in this when they meet. Nothing in this is extremely accurate - I do admit to having taken certain creative liberties but I've tried to keep everything as accurate as possible.
> 
> I live in Australia - which I'm sure you've figured out is not New York - and therefore the greographical accuracy in this is slim at best. Take it with a grain of salt and an open mind if possible. 
> 
> This is actually my love child and my baby and possibly the greatest thing i've ever done (hence why I am posting today, 24th March, technically. My birthday.) Please be considerate when criticising. 
> 
> (Features direct content from Cassandra Clare/The Mortal Instruments Novels)

The first time Alec and Jace meet - when Jace is twelve-and-a-half and Alec has recently turned thirteen - they don't attach to each other the way one would expect from soulmates.

The intricate designs, curling and looping, etched in a faint silver like a faded scar on the soft skin of their inner wrists - Jace's left and Alec's right - are mirror opposites when placed together; and enough indication that they are unbelievably lucky to have been paired in such a mystical bond that even the cleverest scientists are yet to understand it completely.

Not that either of them, at such young ages, really care.

Alec is far too concerned with the fact that his younger sister Isabelle is practically enamoured with the new blond boy; and Jace is too moody and upset at the fact he's even been sent to live with this new foster family at all, when he didn't want to leave the orphanage in the first place.

Both of them ignore what every one else can clearly see. What Alec's parents - who are usually too busy with work or yelling at each other to notice much - and his sister, who's only ten, have picked up on almost from the minute Jace walked through the door.

Everyone knew, from the first moment the boys met that they were the last pieces to each other's puzzle, the one person who would always be there for them when they needed it most...

They both just have to get over their own pride first.

* * *

 

"Alec, you're being stupid."

Alec looks up from his book, regarding Isabelle with complete disinterest in a conversation that hasn't even started yet.

" _I'm_ being stupid?" He returns.

"Yes." She nods, her braided hair swinging behind her head as she moves it.

"Jace has been here for a whole week, and you haven't even spent _any_ time with him." She adds, exasperated.

"I have too." He corrects her. "We have dinner together every night."

"Yes, but you don't talk to each other, so it's not the same."

Alec sighs, and Isabelle just crosses her small arms over her chest.

"Glaring at each other over your food _doesn't count_ , Alec."

Alec groans and quickly slips his bookmark into the open book.

"Izzy, I don't know what you want me to do. He obviously doesn't want to get to know me, why should I bother?"

Isabelle raises her eyebrows, as if Alec is being utterly impossible and ridiculous - which he obviously isn't.

"Because he's your brother, or close enough to it. And, because whether either of you like it or not, you're soulmates, so you have to like each other." She says, and she makes it sound as if her proposed solution is perfectly simple, as though there is nothing else to it - _except there is._

"No we don't." Alec replies. "Just because fate has decided we should be friends, doesn't mean we actually have to."

Isabelle shakes her head, and Alec wonders when she became so grown-up. He's the oldest one, not her.

"All I'm saying, is that you're being ridiculous. You know who your soulmate is, you could at least try to get to know him."

Isabelle looks down at her own blank wrists, and Alec's heart sinks into his stomach.

"Izzy..."

"I'm going to check on Max, make sure he hasn't wandered somewhere he shouldn't have."

Alec blinks and she's gone, leaving him alone with her words rattling around his mind. He sighs, his breath coming out like a deflated balloon. He lets his gaze wander to the mark on his wrist, the delicate design scrawled on his flesh. He touches it, lightly, almost as though he expects it to start hurting at any second.

Maybe he is being stupid, or ridiculous or whatever. Isabelle's right, he hasn't really been making an effort to get to know Jace, and he isn't being too welcoming either. Jace probably thinks Alec doesn't want him to be here or something ... which is not true, it's just...

Jace is new, and different - and Alec has always been scared of change, because there's no guarantee of what it will lead to.

* * *

 

Jace is hiding out in the library - _the house has a library_ \- because he doesn't really want to be found. He's gotten incredibly good at hiding throughout the years, at first from his adopted father, and then from the adults a _nd_ children in the random foster homes he'd been shoved into. It's at the point where he can find somewhere to disappear to for days on end without anyone finding him, if he really wants to.

He's sitting in the furthest corner he could find, where the books are the dustiest and the carpet looks old and frayed. He can't hear anything, and he hopes that means no one can hear him. He's staring at his left wrist, the one with the 'soulmate' mark on it.

_Soulmate. Yeah right._

He's never had anyone close to him, never let anyone get close to him before because he knows he'll only end up hurt because of it. _'To love is to destroy',_ that's whathis adopted father had taught him, and it's burned into his mind like a branded tattoo.

Like the mark on his wrist.

He looks at his other arm, at the white lines and pink scratches that litter his skin, matching the ones hidden underneath his clothes. Each scar is like a painful reminder of the childhood he's lived, and only serves to reinforce why he doesn't allow himself to get close to anyone.

Soulmate or not, he isn't going to make any friends here. He'll probably be shoved off to another family before he gets the chance to be properly adopted, so he doesn't see much point in making bonds if they're likely to be broken.

His skin burns from the hot tears that fall onto his wrist, and he wishes he could stop crying, because he's always been told that crying is for the weak, always been punished for it, but it's been so long since he's let himself release any emotion that he can't hold the floodgates back anymore.

"Hi."

Jace looks up, surprisingly taken aback by the voice. Alec is standing in front of him, looking kind of awkward and a little nervous, and Jace wonders if he's _really_ that intimidating.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, furiously rubbing his eyes. He doesn't stop until they start to hurt, because then he knows his eyes are too dry for the tears to continue to fall.

"I ... uh, I came to find you. I went to your room, but you weren't there, and Iz said she saw you head this way so ... so I thought I'd try my luck."

"I came here to be alone." Jace snaps, and he feels like apologising when he sees the hurt in Alec's eyes, but the words stick in his throat so he keeps them there.

"I was just trying to ... I didn't mean ... I'm sorry, I'll - I'll go."

Alec halts, and then turns to leave, and Jace surprises them both when he speaks.

"Wait."

Alec whirls around, and Jace guesses his own face matches Alec's.

"Why did you come here?" He asks, and he wishes his voice sounds less cold than it does.

"To ... to try and talk to you. To get to - to know you."

Alec sighs, and rubs his forehead with his palm.

"Do you mind ... if I sit?" He asks, indicating the empty space on the floor next to Jace.

Jace shakes his head, and Alec situates himself on the hardwood floor, legs crossed.

"I know that we're _soulmates a_ nd everything, and apparently the universe has decided that we're supposed to be really close but I don't think that's a good enough reason. My parents, for all their faults, are trying to fix this messy bundle we call a family, and in my opinion, if you're going to be here for the foreseeable future, I might as well try and get to know you."

He shrugs, and Jace is still trying to think of something to say in return.

"I think we have the potential to be friends, maybe even good friends. And, okay, perhaps these marks on our wrists mean we're going to bond really well, but a bond has to start somewhere, and friendship seems like the best place to start."

"You're pretty wise for a thirteen-year old." Jace says, because it's simple and safe, and true.

Alec sighs, and Jace wonders if there's more than meets the eye with Alec, just as there is with him.

"I've had to grow up pretty fast." He says, and Jace understands that, he's had to do it too.

"I get that." He replies, and Alec looks up at him, and there's understanding, and surprise in the bright blue orbs - but there isn't _pity_.

Alec isn't trying to sympathise with him, he's taking what Jace says in his stride and he's treating Jace like a person, an equal. And maybe it's a good idea for Jace to do the same, to be as honest with Alec as he can allow himself at this stage of their friendship - assuming that's what this is.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, and Jace can't help but think about how this is the first time silence has ever felt comfortable to him. At night, as he's struggling to go to sleep, the silence is filled with dread and his awful thoughts, memories of what the dark used to hold. Other times, silence meant there was a punishment around the corner, or at the very least incredibly bad news for himself.

Yet now ... now he doesn't want to make a sound to fill the empty space around them, instead he wants to bask in the comfort of it.

"I think I'd like that..." Jace says eventually, and he's muttering to himself more than aything else, so it doesn't surprise him when Alec doesn't get what he's talking about.

"I'm sorry ... what?"

"Being friends. I think ... I think we could try that." Jace says, and his voice sounds so small and weak and he hates it and he has to look down because he can't face Alec at this moment - it's all so new to him, making friends, opening himself up to someone.

Jace Herondale - he took his biological father's name as soon as he learnt of it - is a very closed book, a book where all the pages are stapled together and there's a lock on the front and it's kept in a safe at the bottom of the Mariana's Trench. And he's a book whose content has never once been looked at with eyes but his own.

Perhaps, it's about time that changed.

Alec's smiling when Jace looks back up, and his eyes are sparkling and Jace can never remember a time when he's ever made someone this happy, and it's then he realises that's because he's _never made anyone happy before._

"Really?" Alec asks, and he blushes when he hears how hopeful he sounds, but Jace finds it amusing more than anything.

"I didn't want to push you or anything, and I was really worried you'd think I was trying to pressure you into being friends with me, which I'm not..."

"It's okay." Jace says. "I do want to be friends with you. Or at least try to, because ... I mean I've never really _had_ friends before..."

"Neither have I." Alec says, and at first Jace wonders how, but then he remembers that the Lightwood children have been homeschooled their whole lives - their tutor is called Hodge, he thinks - and Alec is quite shy and reserved most of their time, so in reality the idea of Alec not having many friends isn't _so_ unbelievable.

But to _never have had friends_...

Jace feels like a massive weight has been dropped onto his shoulders, and all of a sudden he's finding it kind of hard to breathe. Being someone's friend is a big enough burden on it's own, just as being someone's soulmate is - although he was kind of born into that one - but being someone's first ever friend is such a huge responsibility and he can't belive he hadn't properly considered it before and -

"Jace?"

Alec's voice is soft and calm, and his hand is hovering over Jace's shoulder - but no one's ever been so nice to Jace before for this long and he can feel the floodgates starting to weaken so he clamps back up again.

"Sorry, I was ... I was just thinking." Jace says, and it's a weak attempt at an excuse but he delivers it anyway.

Alec places his hand on Jace's shoulder, and he's biting his lip and staring at Jace with wider eyes, his body locked, almost as if he's waiting for Jace to either start screaming or crying, which if it was anyone else he probably would have, but for some strange reason he trusts Alec.

_I trust him._

He looks to the uncannily familiar design, only this time it's on Alec's wrist and not his own, and there's a strange feeling that starts to fill him.

The feeling is hope, he realises a second later, hope that maybe things aren't as bad as he thinks it is, and that maybe they can get better, and it's terrifying because it's so new to him, but at the same time it's uplifting and he wants to wrap himself in it like it's a blanket.

"Thank you." He says, and Alec returns a smile that is small but kind, and the nice feeling inside Jace increases.

"What are friends for?"

They don't exactly fix everything over night - friendship is built over years, after all, not hours - but they're less and less hostile towards each other, and Alec figures that's a pretty good start.

It starts with little things - sitting next to each other at dinner every night, actually talking over breakfast each morning. Not much, they're lucky if they reach five minutes before they laspse back into silence, but it's more than they were doing before.

Isabelle is extremely delighted by it, which Alec finds at times annoying, and at others worrying, because he doesn't want Jace to freak out. Alec loves his sister, more than anything, but she can be a little overbearing at times, and although she means well, Alec doesn't know how Jace will react if she suddenly starts smothering him with conversation and random acts of affection. At the moment, she's only grinnning like it's Christmas every day, and Jace appears to find it more charming and sweet than anything else.

She manages, somehow, to convince Jace to have a tea party with her - not that her plush toys, bears with eye patches and coloured markers detailing make-up, and one with an actual leather jacket she made herself, are the usual expected guests at a young girl's tea party.

Jace rushes to Alec afterwards, excited to tell him all about what had happened.

"Jace?" Alec asks, surpised to see the younger boy rushing into his bedroom. He'd been sitting at his desk, trying to complete the homework that Hodge had set him, but now he stood up out of his chair, worried something bad had happened.

"Isabelle and I had a tea party." Jace announces, and at first Alec thinks he misheard.

"Pardon?"

"Isabelle and I, we just had a tea party, and ... and it was a lot of fun. I thought it would be boring and kind of childish, but it wasn't, and we ... we had a really good time."

"Jace, that's great." Alec says, and he's about to ask Jace if he wants to go into the den and play a video game or something, because it's very unlikely that he'll be able to do much work, when Jace rushes forward and hugs him.

Alec freezes at first, because Jace has never hugged him before, Alec doesn't think he's ever hugged anyone before, and he isn't sure how to react. Once it's become clear that Jace isn't going to freak out on him and run away, Alec hugs back, his head almost resting on Jace's shoulder. Jace's hold tightens, and Alec's shirt feels a little damp - he thinks Jace might be crying but he doesn't mention it - he just hugs him back just as tightly.

"Thank you." Jace mutters, and his voice is quiet and small, just like that time in the library those few months ago.

"For what?"

"For being my friend." Jace's voice is a little broken around the edges, and that pretty much confirms it for Alec that he's crying, and Alec's not sure what he should do.

"If it wasn't for you ... you've helped me so much and I don't think I can ever thank you enough."

"Jace, I didn't ... I never did anything, I was just being your friend."

"That's my point." Jace says, pulling away.

"You're always there for me, and I know I can talk to you about everything but I also know that I don't have to tell you anything, and you'll be okay with it, and I just ... I don't think I'd be able to open myself up to ... to _playing tea party_ if it wasn't for you."

Jace rubs his eyes, and Alec can see how tight his knuckles are clenched. Not for the first time, he wonders what had happened to Jace in his past to make him like this.

"I'll always be here for you, Jace, of course I will. But, I don't think it's because of me ... I think you're getting comfortable here and that's why it was so easy for you to spend time with Isabelle, because you want to. You're not the same angry little kid you were when you first came here."

Alec clamps his mouth shut, the words coming out before he can think about them, and he's worried that Jace is going to take offence, but he shouldn't have, because Jace doesn't react the way he thought he would.

"I've never ... I've never felt like I've belonged anywhere before..." He says, and Alec's worried that he's going to start crying again.

"But here ... here, with you, and Izzy and Max ... I feel like this is where I'm supposed to I'm destined to be where, where I belong."

They both look down at their own respective marks, and Alec isn't entirely sure, but for a second he thinks his glows.

"That's because you do belong here." Alec states, placing a comforting hand on Jace's shoulder. "This is your home now, Jace. We ... we're your family."

Jace offers a small smile, and it's strained and quivery but he's trying, and that is enough in Alec's books.

"Family," Jace echoes, wistfully. He thinks that, if he keeps saying it, he might one day believe it.

* * *

 

Alec wakes up, a few weeks later, in a cold sweat with a looming sense of dread flooding him. He looks at the small alarm clock on his bedside table, to see that he's woken up in the early hours of the morning, with far too long until the sun is due to rise for him to even be awake in the first place, let alone to stay that way. Not that he knows why he'd woken up at all.

He'd been having a nice dream, not that he can remember a lot of it, but it most certainly wasn't a nightmare. And yet, his blood is still running cold, and there are goosebumps littering his bare arms.

His soulmate mark feels like it's burning, white-hot, and it's bearable, just, but he'd rather stop it as soon as possible. It's almost glowing in the low-light ambience of his bedroom, and he knows it means something, but it takes his sleep-addled brain a second to work it out.

_Jace._ He thinks. S _omething is up with Jace._

He's not sure _how_ he knows exactly, he just knows that the feeling of dread seems to lift just a small bit when he finds the possible explanation.

He throws his covers back and slowly slips out of his bed, grabbing an old sweater because the air is cold. He can't find his slippers, and all of his socks have seemingly been eaten by the dryer, so he tip-toes across the chilled floor, ignoring the icy touch on his feet. He opens the door wide enough to slip out, but no further in case it creaks and wakes somebody else up.

Jace's room is only a few steps away, and Alec's never before thanked his parents for putting all their bedrooms - bar the master one - close together but now he's rethinking it.

"Jace?" He whispers, pushing the door open an inch.

There's no reply, but Alec thinks he can hear something - crying, maybe - and he knows he'll never forgive himself if he doesn't check to make sure Jace is alright, so he pushes it open a little more and enters slowly.

"Jace?" He calls out again, as he shuts the door behind him, and he can see a hunched figure on the bed, hidden mostly in shadows.

"Alec?" The voice is small, tiny, and sounds so young ... and so frightened.

"Yeah, it's me."

Alec steps forward slowly, one hand held out in front of him so as not to scare Jace anymore - just the way he would if it was Isabelle who had woken from a nightmare. He stops at the foot of Jace's bed, so there is still space between them.

"Are you ... are you awake?" Alec asks.

He knows that it sounds like a kind of stupid question, but he's only ever dealt with Isabelle having bad dreams before, and on very rare occassions; and there'd been times where Isabelle had partially woken from a dream only to fall back asleep again. He isn't sure how nightmares work for Jace, and he doesn't want to cause any unecessary damage.

"Yeah, I ... what are you doing here?"

Deeming it safe to, Alec takes another step forward. Jace doesn't make any movement, which Alec sees as a good thing, but he is still hunched over, his knees drawn up to his chest, which worries Alec.

"I woke up, and I felt quite strange ... I don't know why, exactly, but I thought - _I knew_ \- it had something to do with you."

Alec shows Jace the inside of his wrist, where the soulmate mark is still faintly luminescent.

"I also think it has something to do with _this_ , but that's not really that important at the moment. Are you ... are you okay?"

Jace stares at the empty darkness of his room, barely lit by the natural glow of the moon outside his window, then shakes his head slowly, as if the movement physically hurts.

"Do you mind, if I come closer?" Alec asks.

"No."

Alec stops when he's next to Jace's beside drawers. Up so close, he can see the taut muscles of Jace's shoulders and neck, and how his hands are clenched so tight the knuckles are almost white.

"Jace ... what happened?"

Jace burries his head further against his knees. He doesn't say anything for a while, and Alec doesn't speak but he doesn't move either. He stays there, standing next to Jace so he knows he can speak up when, and if, he wants to.

Jace eventually mumbles something, but it's smothered by his knees so Alec doesn't hear him.

"Pardon?" He asks, and Jace lifts his head, almost reluctantly.

"I had a nightmare." He whispers, and now he's looking at Alec, who can see the silvery trace of tear tracks on Jace's cheeks. There's a speck of blood on his bottom lip, and Alec guesses Jace has bit it.

"Do you ... do you want to talk about it?" Alec asks.

When Isabelle has nightmares, she just runs into his bedroom and cuddles up to him. He kisses her cheek or her forehead and tells her everything will be okay, it was just a dream, and she falls asleep in his arms.

He doesn't think the same routine will work with Jace, though - and he has a feeling telling Jace it wasn't real won't do him any favours, either.

Jace shakes his head, and then shrugs.

"I don't ... I don't know." He says, and Alec wonders if anyone's ever tried to help or comfort him after a nightmare before.

He puts a hand on Jace's shoulder, and he doesn't expect anything to happen, his aim is only to remind Jace that he's there - but Jace sniffs, and shuffles over. Now there's a blank space between them, and he's not sure what to do.

He decides to take a leap of faith - figuratively speaking. He perches on the edge of Jace's bed, and when it's evident that Jace is okay with the close contact, he shuffles so he's sitting on the bed properly.

Jace rubs his eyes, and he seems to lean into Alec, just a little bit. Alec cautiously puts his arm around Jace's shoulder, just as he would if it was Isabelle. Jace leans into the touch, his head almost resting on Alec's shoulder, and although it's not entirely surprising, it means a lot to Alec.

"Alec, I'm sorry, I..."

"It's okay." Alec cuts in, squeezing his arm for a mere second.

"It's not your fault, and I certainly don't blame you. Everyone has nightmares ... it's not like we can control how our dreams go. And you don't have to tell me if you don't want to - if you feel like it's too hard for you to say at this moment, then that's okay, you don't have to."

Jace sighs, but he seems to have calmed down a little.

"You can tell me anything you want, at any time you want - but you don't ever have to tell me something if you don't feel comfortable doing so. I'll always be here for you, either way."

Jace pulls back and looks at Alec. His eyes are a little pink and puffy, but he's not crying anymore. He's breathing slowly, deep breaths, and he's staring at Alec like he thinks Alec is lying.

"Thank you." He whispers, and it's raw and honest and genuine, and Alec doesn't think he's ever seen Jace so truly himself before.

Alec just hugs him closer, muttering comforting words like _"you're safe"_ and _"there's nothing to worry about"_. Jace's heavy eyelids soon become too much for him to ignore, so Alec let's go and helps him settle back under the covers. He's about to get up and go back to his own room, when Jace's quiet voice breaks the silence.

"Can you ... can you stay here tonight?" He asks, and he seems almost ashamed at saying it, but Alec can see that he really can't stand being alone.

"Of course." Alec says, and he slides into bed next to Jace.

They both fall asleep quite fast, enough distance between them for even Isabelle to fit in comfortably - but Alec is there, and Jace knows it, and that's all he needs.

* * *

 

From then on, everything is a little easier between them. It's not perfect, and Alec guesses it won't be perfect for a few years at the least, but it's a lot closer than they'd been at the start. Jace spends more time with him, even if it's just the two of them in the library reading seperate books, or studying together in Alec's room. He even spends more time with Isabelle too, whether it be simply watching movies with her, or helping her in the kitchen so the food doesn't burn - she measures, he cooks.

Jace is beginning to look like he truly belongs, but more than that, like he truly _feels_ like he belongs. Like he's finally accepted that this is his house, his _home._ That Alec, and Isabelle, and even little Max and Robert and Maryse, are his _family._

Alec himself is starting to re-think this whole _soulmate_ business - perhaps he'd been wrong, perhaps he and Jace were destined to meet, it's just taken them a while to connect, to build upon the bond that is lying beneath the surface.

* * *

 

The moon is bright, and shining and clear, on the night Jace and Alec have their first serious argument. It's not a fight, because it begins one-sided, no one throws any punches and, in all fairness, neither of them are really at fault.

Although, at the time, Jace blames Alec for starting it, and himself for being the constant problematic denominator.

He's sitting on the end of his bed, in just pyjama pants and bare feet, and he's not doing anything in particular, not really. He's sort of just staring into space, his mind is a billion light years away from his body, and so when his bedroom door opens he doesn't hear it.

His senses are a little faded, probably because he's not paying attention to them. He can feel the cool wind from his open window on his bare skin, can feel the soft carpet underneath his feet, but he's not really looking through his eyes - they're just vacant windows, and he's not listening to anything so he doesn't hear either.

Until Alec speaks, because he hears that, he _feels_ it like a strike to his heart, and he doesn't know what to do.

_"Jace?"_ Alec chokes, and it sounds raw, pain-filled, heart-broken.

And at first Jace doesn't quite know what is going on. He looks over at Alec, whose oceanic eyes remind him of a winter's thunderstorm, and there's so much hurt, and Jace doesn't understand why.

And then he looks down, at himself, and he sees the scars and nearly-faded cuts and recent bruises decorating his skin. And then he sees them as _Alec_ must see them - evidence of Jace inflicting hurt on himself, deliberately - and he feels _ashamed._ Just like the time his adopted father had tried to teach him the 'proper' ways of the world, had told him to kill the falcon he'd spent so much time and effort trying to tame - _to love is to destroy_ \- but Jace couldn't do it, because the bird was his pet, he'd taught it and tamed it and loved it. His father didn't look at him for a week, didn't talk to him for two, and Jace had never felt like more of a disappointment before.

Until now.

"Jace..." Alec says again, and he's not sure if it's because of his resurfaced memories or because of how he feels towards himself, but Jace feels _angry._

Not just frustrated, but genuinely _angry,_ and he can't help it.

"What are you doing in here?" He demands, and his voice is dripping with scorn and something akin to hatred. Not because he hates Alec, but because he hates himself, hates who he is and what he looks like, what Alec can see, what he must be thinking.

Because he's certain that after walking in on him, Alec's far too optimistic views on him have dwindled to nothing.

"I just came to see ... to see if you were awake. It's kind of late, and I was going to say goodnight..."

Alec's voice is small, it's tiny and he sounds concerned, he sounds genuinely worried about Jace and that just makes him madder.

He doesn't deserve concern, from anyone but most certainly not from Alec. He's broken, he's worthless and he's just going to ruin Alec.

_'To be loved, is to be the one destroyed.'_

"Jace ... how did ... who..."

Jace stands up, and his back is rod-straight, his shoulders are rigid, his hands itching to clench into achingly tight fists, where his nails dig into his palms hard enough to break skin, skin that feels like it's on fire. The mark on his wrist that connects them is pulsing with an erratic beat matching his heart - _boomboomboom_ \- his heart which is aching and heavy and hurting like it's fractured.

"It doesn't matter." He says, because it doesn't, it _shouldn't_.

He can't tell Alec that none of it his fault, because the bruises are new and he wasn't being accidental when he 'knocked into his dresser'. He can't tell Alec about the scars and the other faded marks, because that would mean telling Alec about his past, and Jace just isn't ready for that yet.

At the moment, Alec likes him - for what crazy reason Jace doesn't really know - and he doesn't want to ruin what they've been building between them. Their relationship is wobbly but it's mostly stable, and he doesn't want to break it, to rock it until it all falls apart.

Because Jace is volatile, he's a knock-off firecracker about to explode at any second, and he doesn't want to take Alec down in the explosion with him.

"Jace, if someone has hurt you -"

"I said it doesn't matter!" Jace yells, and he doesn't sound angry anymore, he sounds weak and shattered and almost like he's about to cry, which he thinks he might be.

"I'm fine, Alec. I don't need your help, or your concern, I just need you to _leave me alone._ "

Now he's pleading, and he knows that he's being pathetic, he _is_ pathetic, but he can't handle Alec figuring out the truth, can't stand the thought of Alec finding out how weak and piteous and worthless he truly is.

Alec must get it, must see the distress in Jace's body language or the tone of his voice or even in the wideness of his eyes, because he nods slowly, and sighs, his shoulders falling like a deflated balloon.

"I'll leave you alone now." He says, and Jace can tell that he doesn't want to, but he appreciates that he does it anyway.

"Just ... if you need anything, if you want to talk - you know where I am."

Jace nods, and he's grateful that Alec leaves it at that and walks away, and he hates that he can't express it but he thinks that Alec just might understand anyway.

He thinks that he might be able to, one day. And perhaps one day he might be able to tell Alec everything, from his adopted father to the seemingly endless negligent foster houses, to every little mark he's inflicted upon himself and why.

He just can't do it now, not yet. He's not ready.

He's too scared.

The next morning Jace wakes up with a feeling of guilt, heavy like a stone, sitting on his chest. He's up early, earlier than usual - the sun has barely broken the horizon - and he can't stand to wait in his room for an appropriate time, so he escapes to the library, which has become something like a personal retreat, a hideaway spot.

He can go see Alec afterwards, he reasons with himself, when the hour is more human he can go and apologise to him for the cruel mess of a person he'd been the night before. The truth of it all, is that he needs to psych himself up before he talks to Alec, because he wants the correct words to be ready on his tongue, not for his brain to just pluck them from thin air - because then who knows what he might say, how big of a hole he might dig himself into.

It's just his luck, however, that when he slips into the library, wincing as the giant wooden doors creak, he finds the room occupied. At first he thinks he might be able to sneak back out, before his presence is noted, but he doesn't get the chance.

"Jace, is that you?"

Jace sighs, before stepping closer. Sprawled on one of the vintage couches, book in hand, is Alec.

"Yeah, it's me. I didn't think anyone would be in here." Jace says, and he's cautious as he gets closer, because he's not sure how Alec is going to react.

"I couldn't sleep." Alec explains, and he's looking at the ground and not at Jace, and Jace thinks that it's highly possible it's all his fault, even though Alec hasn't said so.

"I'm sorry." He says, because even if it _isn't_ his fault - which he highly doubts - he still feels responsible.

Alec shrugs, as if to say it can't be helped, and that's pretty much an unspoken confirmation in Jace's eyes that it _was_ his fault, but he keeps that to himself.

"What are you doing here?" Alec asks, not unkindly, and Jace thinks that he must know _why_ he's up, and he probably has theories on what he's doing there, but Alec is thankfully not the kind of person to make assumptions, at the very least not aloud.

"I was awake," Jace shrugs, and exhales softly. "I figured here was as good a place as any to spend my time."

_Lies._ His brain screams, but he can't bring himself to tell the truth just yet.

"Do you want to help me make breakfast?" Alec asks, putting his book on the table and standing up slowly.

"I know it's early, but I'm kind of hungry -"

Right on cue, Jace's stomach growls, and Alec chuckles lightly.

"And apparently, so are you." He adds.

Jace waits, he thinks over the suggestion - because if Alec wants to make breakfast with him, he can't hate him, surely - and then he nods, because he doesn't see the harm.

Alec grins, and it's unabashed and bright, like when the sun peeks through the clouds after a tumultuous thunderstorm. And somehow, Jace isn't quite ready to figure out the details, as a result he finds it a little easier to breathe.

Jace sits at the breakfast bench and watches curiously as Alec flits around the kitchen. He's always known Alec could cook, at the very least better than Isabelle can, but he's never seen it. Alec moves about the kitchen with a practised ease, he moves like Maryse, like he was born to dance around the kitchen. Jace asks if he needs any help, and occasionally Alec asks him to get a wooden spoon or something from the pantry, but other than that Alec has it all under control.

There are a lot of things Jace admires about Alec - his unwavering kindness, his unstoppable protective nature, not to mention his intelligence and quick wit - but he'd never expected to see clumsy Alec 'trips-over-his-own-feet' Lightwood move around the kitchen with grace and ease. He's almost surprised that Alec doesn't burn himself, as Jace had been around when Alec had acquired an injury simply from touching the outside of a boiled kettle, when he'd been reaching for the handle.

He'd also never quite expected the food to taste so damn good.

Jace makes an interesting sound when he takes his first bite of the omelete, and Alec hides his bashfulness behind an amused chuckle.

"Do you need some space to be alone? Should I leave?" He asks, but he looks genuinely delighted that Jace is enjoying the food.

"I mean I don't want to be rude, and tell you to get out or anything ... but I'm not sure if I'll be able to control myself." Jace replies, and it's not until Alec laughs that he realises he's smirking, a real, actual smirk.

He doesn't fight it or push it down like he normally would. He lets it happen, lets it become a feature in his expression because it feels nice and fitting. He feels happy, or at the very least something akin to happiness, and he decides to allow himself this tiny pleasure.

"If you start moaning, I'm out." Alec says, and within seconds they're both in fits of delighted giggles.

"Thank you." Jace says, and it's not just about the food, partially but not completely, and he thinks Alec knows that.

"You're welcome." Alec says, and although they don't speak for the rest of the meal, the silence is pleasant and comfortable.

It's not until they've finished washing their dishes, that Jace speaks up. He wants nothing more than to pretend that the night before didn't happen, but he knows that isn't an option.

"Alec, about last night..."

"What about last night?" Alec says innocently, and Jace can't understand what he's doing.

"When you walked in ... and I..."

"Do you feel completely comfortable talking to me about it?" Alec cuts in.

"Well..."

"Be honest, Jace, I'm not going to yell at you."

Jace sighs, and he's not sure whether it's the soulmate mark or the bond they've built that he curses, all he knows is that Alec's uncanny ability to understand him can be infuriating at times, and it has to stem from one of them.

"Not entirely. But you have a right to know -"

"Possibly. And I'm not going to deny that I'd _like_ to know, if only to help you when situations like last night happen again, if they happen again. But I don't want to hear any of it until you are completely ready to tell me."

Alec's bright eyes bore into Jace's, and there's a spark of something interesting and new inside him. His wrist feels tingly, but he dismisses it as nothing.

"Whatever events caused you to react like you did last night ... even if you never tell me, I won't mind."

Alec looks down at the ground, and Jace thinks there might be a slight blush on his cheeks.

"Everyone has their secrets." Alec says softly. "Who am I to demand you reveal yours?"

Jace loops an arm around Alec's shoulders, their cheeks inches from rubbing together.

"I think you're possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me, Alec Lightwood." He says, and the mark on his wrist glows and burns with a heat that is surprisingly gentle and warm.

* * *

 

Jace's birthday rolls around, and at first he thinks that it is going to pass unnoticed - it wouldn't be the first time if it did, he's used to celebrating by himself in the last hour of his birthday before the clock hits twelve and he's nothing special again.

But then he wakes up to Isabelle, Alec and even four-year old Max climbing onto this bed, with streamers and balloons and confetti filling his room, and he thinks that this year might be his best birthday yet.

"Happy Birthday!" Isabelle yells, and if Jace wasn't quite awake before, he definitely is now.

"Ha-py Birf-day!" Max adds, and he's grinning and clapping - basically the epitome of an overly-excited toddler, and Jace doesn't even attempt to hide how adorable he finds it.

"Happy Birthday Jace," Alec says last, after Jace has thanked the other two and the atmosphere has cooled down a little. He speaks softly, and when he smiles it's so genuine Jace thinks his heart might just be splintering down the middle.

"Thank you." He replies, and then he pushes down the muggy feeling growing inside of him, because this might be the first time he's ever gotten to spend a birthday with people who actually, genuinely care about him.

"You have five minutes to come downstairs," Isabelle declares, and when Jace looks to Alec, he just smiles apologetically, as if to say _'What can I do? It's Isabelle.'_

"We have a Big Birthday Breakfast for you." Isabelle adds, and this time when Jace glances at Alec with wide eyes, he's met with a shaking head and a reassuring smile.

"She didn't cook it, if that's what you're worried about." Alec says, and Isabelle scowls.

"Then I will be down in three." Jace says, before Isabelle can protest.

"You better." She warns, and Jace isn't sure whether it's because it's his birthday, or because Isabelle has decided to let this one go - but he's grateful that she leaves, Max trailing behind her, nonetheless.

Their exit leaves simply Alec and himself, and the air in the room seems to calm down a little. Jace isn't sure what it is, he adores Max and he's warming to Isabelle more and more every day - but he can't help but feel more at ease, more comfortable when it's just him and Alec and no one else.

"Are you okay?" Alec asks, and Jace realises that he must have blanked out without really noticing.

Alec's hand is resting on the comforter, inches from Jace's leg, and Jace is a little surprised to find that, for the moment at least, Alec's reassurance isn't really needed.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Alec's eyes narrow, and Jace can't help but scoff out a laugh.

"I'm okay, Alec, I promise." Jace says, and he must sound sincere enough for Alec to believe him.

"Okay."

Alec rocks back on his knees, and Jace wonders if he's about to say something, and if so, what it could possibly be.

"I guess I'll see you downstairs." Alec says, and he's off the bed and out the door before Jace can reply.

Jace shakes his head before climbing out of his bed, in search for shoes and perhaps a jacket of some kind.

He's barely been awake for an hour, and yet this day is already turning into the best of his life.

Thankfully the kitchen isn't on fire when Jace enters the room, nor can he smell anything disgusting or burnt. He trusts Alec not to lie to him, and _that_ thought is enough to make him want to run into his room with the lights off and the door locked, not that he focuses on it ... but he doesn't trust Isabelle to listen to Alec.

And little Max is far too small to help Alec stop her.

Isabelle's eyes narrow a little, almost inviting him to say something. He doesn't, a decision he deems as the much smarter choice. He doesn't fancy getting beaten up on his birthday.

"Viola!" She announces, the sparkle in her eyes returning so she looked a lot less like she was going to kill him and more like she was just going to pounce on him.

Sometimes Jace has to remind himself that she's younger than him, not even a teenager yet. Good luck to all the boys who try to win her heart in the future.

On the dining table, are various assortments of his favourite breakfast foods - foods he hadn't really known were his favourites until he'd seen them all laid out in glory before him. Croissants filled with shredded ham and cheese, pancakes dripping with maple syrup and melting butter, fruit salad with yoghurt and a stack of warm, buttered toast. Jace looks at Alec, who looks like he's blushing - most likely because he's happy or something, Jace decides, finding no other appropriate reason.

"Wow," Is all Jace can say, and Alec laughs as he nudges him closer towards the table.

"Sit down. Eat. Enjoy." He says, and Isabelle and Max take the hint quicker than Jace does. He does eventually sit down, though, next to Isabelle and diagonal from Max - who Alec fits into the high chair before crossing the short distance to the fridge.

"Juice, milk..." He reads, and Jace pipes up, curious if Alec will give him the answer he wants.

Unfortunately, Maryse and Robert - he still couldn't call them his parents, not yet, maybe not ever - had "urgent business that simply could not be avoided" and they were both "very, very sorry". It hurt, a little, but he was tough enough to not let it really affect him. Besides, with the two adults away, Alec was in charge - and Alec was a lot more lenient and fun.

"Coffee?" He asks, hopeful, and he's not sure exactly what it is that convinces him, but Alec sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Only because it's your birthday." He replies, but Jace honestly believes it's a little bit more than that.

He hears the tell-tale rumble of the coffee machine as it heats up, and he grins to himself as he reaches out for a piece of toast, and a croissant. Max has already got maple syrup running down his chin, which Isabelle is dutifully attempting to wipe off. He can hear Alec grumbling to himself and mugs clinking, which causes a natural smile to spread.

His wrist is tingling with a pleasant warmth, a heat rising beneath his skin, and it's comforting - like a firm hug or a cocoon of blankets.

He's never had a birthday quite like this one - and he hopes, foolishly in his opinion, that all of his future birthdays are as good as this one, at least.

* * *

 

"The French Revolution began when King Louis..."

Alec groans as Hodge's low voice drawls on about kings and queens, beheadings and peasant revolts. Their tutor is an old family friend, from Robert and Maryse's college days - tall and slim, with thin-rimmed glasses that sit on his long beaked nose, a thick scar drawn up the right side of his face, and unusual grey streaks through his otherwise dark black hair. Alec doesn't know too much about him - at fourteen, he is deemed old enough to look after his siblings but not yet old enough to hear his tutor's backstory bar the minimal details.

He is a good teacher, though, and he always treats the three of them with great respect and patience. He's also incredibly clever, and can often be found with his nose in a book or a pencil in his hand making notes in the margins of old books. This all makes him the perfect option to teach the older Lightwood siblings - but history has never been Alec's favourite subject, and most certainly not something he's all that interested in. He enjoys mythology and legends, not boring tales of people who did _this_ , or killed _them_ , or conquered _this_ land, or died _that_ way.

Alec likes Hodge, but he can drag on about information that Alec just doesn't care about, and after a night of broken and interrupted slumber, it's all he can do to not fall asleep on his desk.

Jace is enraptured in the lesson, caught up in a way that Alec simply can't. It's probably an ill-advised decision on Alec's part, to allow his eyes to draw to Jace, especially considering the invading thoughts and feelings that have been clouding him in the recent weeks or so - but Alec rarely does what is going to end in a good result for him, so he goes on instinct.

He lets his attention slip away, and doesn't try to stop his eyes from slowly tracking the different parts of Jace that he can see. The golden hair that's like a reflection of the sun, his slightly toned arms, the way Jace's lips curve upwards and his eyes gain a new sparkle when he hears about something that interests and excites him. His laugh on the recurring occasion when Isabelle interrupts with a question obviously intended to be humourous and not educationally-oriented.

There used to be times, in History, where Alec would doze off because he was bored and/or tired. In this situation, however, the urge to fall asleep is squashed under the delight that sparks inside his chest when Jace speaks. The mark on his wrist is humming, like there is a motor lying beneath the surface of his skin. It isn't really a feeling he's felt before, and he isn't sure what it means either. But, then again, confusing feelings are something Alec is becoming quite aquainted with.

He wishes he understood what's going on, but even more than that, he wishes he knew what to do about it.

* * *

 

It's when Alec wakes up, after dreaming of angelic golden eyes and soft blond hair, that he realises how stuffed he really is.

His thing for Jace - crush, admiration, whatever it is - started, Alec believes, after he and Jace had actually started getting close. After Jace had deemed Alec trustworthy enough. Which was fine, back then, when Alec wasn't that aware of _what_ whatever he was feeling _meant_.

But now, it's been going on for months, and it hasn't faded away like Alec had initially hoped. If anything, it's gotten worse.

And it's the little things that affect him the most. Like that time when they were in class and Alec accidentally fell asleep - it was History, again, and he was almost fatally-bored - so Jace shook his shoulder until he woke up. Alec had looked up, straight into Jace's ethereal eyes and amused smirk, and a funny feeling filled his chest. Another time, when he had accidentally walked in on Jace getting out of the bathroom. Jace had slipped on his shirt pretty quickly - it had already been in his hands - but there had been a moment where Alec had seen Jace's toned chest...

He's never had a crush before, so he isn't certain that _that_ is what he is feeling for Jace ... but he knows that there is _something_ there and it worries him. Scares him, even. He doesn't know what it means or how to cope with any of it, and so he makes the choice to spend a little more time away from Jace.

It doesn't really occur to him, how Jace will take it or what he will think Alec is doing. All he's worried about, is getting his feelings under control and, if possible, getting rid of them completely. He doesn't need the burden of crushing on his best friend, adopted brother _and_ soulmate, who it is very probable has no interest in him _in that way._

The only thing he can concern himself with is destroying these unwanted thoughts and feelings until they're ground into ashes and not recognisable anymore. It doesn't register in his mind that it's a little seflish, because if it did he wouldn't do it - he always puts others ahead of him, always has and probably always will.

And the absolute last thing he would ever, ever want to do, is hurt Jace.

* * *

 

Jace thinks Alec is avoiding him ... and he's not sure why, but he has this sinking feeling inside him, that it's all his fault. He can't come up with a logical reason as to why, but his natural default is to assume everything is his fault, because in most previous cases it has been.

Alec's always in his room, rarely the library but sometimes Jace can find him in there, yet as soon as Jace makes an attempt to suggest something for them to do, Alec makes an excuse about being busy or tired or not really interested, and although he offers a small smile - Jace can't help but take it in the worst way possible.

He wakes up one night, torn from his slumber from the effects of a horrible nightmare, to a room that is far too warm, under suffocating covers with sweat dripping down his skin. This time it's not his soulmate mark that hurts, it's his scars - new and old, fresh and faded - that burn with a searing pain, a reminder of painful memories and awful situations.

He half-expects Alec to come through the door, because that's what usually happens and Jace has gotten himself into a semblence of a routine as a result. Something he is now regretting, because when Alec doesn't open his door and walk into the room, Jace's heart sinks into the black pit of his chest.

He doesn't notice as his fingers start digging into his skin, pressing and scratching hard enough to potentially break skin. He doesn't feel the tears that spill, or the shudders running through him. All he can feel is the shame washing over him and the nightmares pressing on the corners of his mind, threatening to pull him under once again.

* * *

 

Alec makes it nearly a month, three and a half weeks where he secludes himself, doesn't interact with Jace unless he absolutely has to. It hurts him to do so, and every night he goes to sleep with a piercing ache in his wrist, but he's still so sure that he's doing the right thing, and so he keeps going.

However, after a while Alec starts to feel bad, selfish even, and he misses Jace. He misses talking to him, and just generally spending time together. He's already slowly doubting his choice when Isabelle corners him, demanding answers - although she actually just traps him in his bedroom by planting herself right in front of his door, her back resting against the wood so he knows that she isn't going to leave anytime soon.

"Alec, we need to talk."

Alec looks up from where he's absently drawing and sketching on his notebook. His mind had been drifting to places he hadn't really concentrated on, but her sudden presence has snapped him instantly back to reality.

"Okay ... why?"

Isabelle stares, unamused, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. Alec isn't quite sure what he has done to warrant such behaviour from her, but he feels a need to apologise anyway.

"You've been avoiding Jace." She states, and Alec ducks his head down, because he hadn't realised how obvious he must have been, for her to notice. Then he thinks about how Jace _must_ have realised, and Alec can easily imagine how Jace must have taken it, which only makes him feel worse.

"That's not ... I never ... he..." Alec stumbles over his words as he struggles to come up with the right thing to say.

"I don't know why you've been doing it - I've tried, but I can't come up with any possible reason - but you need to sort it out and stop it."

Alec sucks in a breath to protest, but Isabelle isn't done scolding him yet.

"It's not fair to Jace, and I'm not sure why you would do this, and I don't really care. It's _hurting_ him, Alec, and that's not right. He doesn't deserve that."

Isabelle's words are like a knife to his heart, sharp and painful. He feels like all of the air in his lungs has been knocked out of him, and he has to lean back in his chair so he doesn't fall of off it.

"I'm not trying to hurt him," Alec mumbles, low and under his breath. "I've never wanted to hurt him."

Isabelle's features soften, and the tightness in her arms eases a little.

"Then why are you avoiding him?" She asks, and Alec feels like their roles have been reversed - now Isabelle is the smarter, older sister who knows the right thing and Alec is the one who's accepting her advice because he has no idea what he's supposed to be doing.

"He just ... I can't..."

Alec sighed, his fingers subconsciously rubbing the inside of his right wrist. There's a subtle ache underneath his skin and he wishes it would just _go away_.

"It's complicated." He breathes out at last, and he almost expects Isabelle to demand he speak to Jace, and then exit his room.

Instead, she pushes herself off the door, and crosses the short distance to his bed, where she lifts herself up so that she's sitting cross-legged on top of his duvet.

"So, tell me."

Alec shakes his head, gnawing gently on the inside of his cheek.

"I can't, I -"

"Who else are you going to tell? Certainly not Jace, and Max won't understand so he's no good."

Isabelle shrugs, offering an encouraging smile.

"Guess that leaves only me." She declares, and Alec groans under his breath because she just doesn't _understand_.

"Izzy -"

"I'm not letting you keep this to yourself, not this time. Something is up, Alec, I can tell, and I think Jace could too if you hadn't of pushed him away. Let me in, Alec, let me help you."

Isabelle's pleading, or at least as close to pleading as she can get, and Alec wishes telling her was easy but he knows it won't be. He sucks in as deep a breath as he can manage, and presses his fingers even harder into the soft skin and firm veins of his wrist.

"I think I have a crush on Jace."

Isabelle blinks at him, once, twice, and Alec's nerves rise with every flutter of eyelashes. It feels like an hour has passed before she speaks, and Alec almost feels faint by the time her words come out.

"You think you like Jace." She repeats, as if to be completely certain, and Alec doesn't trust himself to say it again, so he just nods curtly. It sounds more, _real_ , when somebody else is saying it.

Isabelle nods herself, more certain than he had been. "Okay."

Alec stares at her, incredulously.

"It is _not_ okay, Isabelle!" He squawks, his voice breaking as he speaks.

"Why not? Sure, he's your brother but you're not blood-related. Besides, you're soulmates, and they're usually romantic anyway." Isabelle explains, very matter-of-factly for a twelve-year old.

"But it's _Jace."_ Alec retorts, and there's more he wants to say, more words pushing to get out but he clenches his teeth and traps them behind, in his mouth where they should stay.

"Is this about Jace," Isabelle asks softly, understanding and sympathy written all over her face. "Or about you being gay?"

Alec's about to reply, to screech about how he isn't gay, he _isn't,_ and what if he's something else, that other one where you're attracted to guys _and_ girls, but the words stick to the roof of his mouth and his throat clenches up.

"There's nothing wrong with being attracted to guys." Isabelle says, and Alec thinks, sure there isn't, not in Isabelle's books. But in his parents, in his father's...

"That doesn't mean that _I_ can be." He chokes out, low and quiet.

"Alec," Isabelle says, and Alec shakes his head, a dismissal of any further comment connected to the conversation.

"I'll apologise to Jace," Alec promises, talking to the ground because he can't bear to look at his sister. "And I'll stop avoiding him."

There's a few beats of quiet, an achingly pregnant pause during which Alec spends the whole time wishing she would just _go_ because the weight of their talk is pressing down on him and he's starting to feel something very akin to claustrophobia.

"Well, good." Isabelle finally says, nodding once. She hops up off his bed, and it's only when her hand is on the knob of his door, that she speaks again.

"You know that you can talk to me, too." She says, and there's an almost sadness in her eyes, something he can see only because he knows her better than he knows himself.

"If you want to. If it's about something Jace doesn't know, or you don't want him to know,"

Alec's breath hitches, but it doesn't seem like she notices.

"I'm always here for you." She finishes, and she's out the door before he can reply.

Alec groans and runs his hands through his hair, wondering when everything in his life had started cracking and weakening, and why it had taken him so long to notice.

* * *

 

It's selfish. It's not right and it's unfair and Alec knows it.

But that doesn't make trying to convince himself that, telling Jace the truth is the right thing to do, any easier. Because he knows that's what Isabelle thinks he should do, not that she'd admit it to him.

Because she loves him, and she understands that pride is something that's important to him, even if it's less of a priority for him than it is for her or Jace. Just as he knows that she'll never say anything to Jace, ever. Even if she doesn't agree with him, she respects him enough to allow him to decide whether Jace knows or not, and when.

And as far as Alec is concerned, Jace will never know. Or, at the very least, not for the next ten years or so.

Because it's hardly likely he'll find anyone else he likes, and his chances with Jace were non-existent even before Alec's crush made itself known. So, really, there isn't much point in telling Jace, because that would just be inviting uneccessary embarrassment into his life.

Or, so Alec tries to reason with himself.

* * *

Alec apologises to Jace for not talking to him, for excluding him, an explosion of "I'm sorry" and "I didn't mean to hurt you" amongst other words, all rushed together and mumbled slightly. Jace wonders how he knew his actions were hurtful, but then he guesses it's just because Alec knows him that well.

It feels like the resolution of a fight, even though they technically hadn't argued and Jace is still a little confused as to why it even happened in the first place. Alec spends the first week practically smothering him, making sure they spend as much time together as possible, and although Jace appreciates it, he really just wishes everything would return to the way it used to be.

Because things feel a little off, a tad bit awkward, and Jace isn't sure if it's something he's done or not, but he wants to fix it anyway.

After three weeks of unfavourable circumstances, Jace cracks.

"What the hell is going on?" He demands. He'd pulled Alec back after class, and waited until Hodge and Isabelle had both left before he turned to Alec, determined to get answers.

"I don't know what you're asking about." Alec says, but Jace can tell he's lying and that only infuriates him more.

"Yes you do. First you avoid me and basically push me away for reasons I _still_ don't know. And now you smother me, and I'm not sure if it's because you feel bad or something, but you can't keep pretending nothing is wrong because I know that _something_ is up. I know _you._ "

Alec appears to be on the verge of hyperventilating, and his body is trembling, and Jace is torn between wanting answers and just dropping it. Part of him wants to, to pretend that nothing has happened, because Alec looks more hurt and scared than Jace has ever seen, but at the same time Jace is stubborn and he knows that if he doesn't say something now he'll never get the answers he wants.

"I wasn't ... I didn't ... you-"

"Did I do something to you?" Jace asks, because it's always his fault, and even when it isn't, it probably has _something_ to do with him.

"No!" Alec shouts, and then he flushes bright red at his outburst.

"Then what is it, Alec?" Jace asks, sounding more worn and tired than he'd care to admit.

Alec sighs, and shakes his head slowly.

"You wouldn't understand." He whispers, and the words hurt like a stab wound.

"Try me."

Alec shuffles from side to side, shifting his weight and looking remarkably like Max when he knocked Maryse's glass vase over that one time a year or so ago.

"It's nothing to do with you, it's ... it's about me." Alec says, and Jace is about to ask what he means before Alec answers for him.

"I'm just going through some things right now and I needed the space. I'm sorry if you felt like it was because of you, I promise - I promise it's not."

Alec's biting his bottom lip, his fingers playing with the loose threads of his sweater sleeves, which are pulled down over his hands. Jace feels like the roles between them have been reversed, and he's not sure how to feel about it.

"Are you okay?" He asks, because that's what Alec would say if it was _him._

"Yeah, yeah." Alec nods, and it's half-hearted and Jace doesn't completely believe him, but he lets it go because it doesn't seem worth it at the moment.

"You know you can talk to me about these things." Jace continues, smiling awkwardly. "I am here for you."

Alec nods again. "I know."

Jace sighs, unsure of what to do now, or even if he's really managed to fix things at all.

"Do you want a hug?" Jace asks. "It, uh, it might make you feel better?"

Alec smiles, and it's small but genuine. He steps forward, the distance between them barely an arm's length, and wraps his arms around Jace.

The hug is nice, if a little strange, but that's only because Jace isn't that used to hugging people, let alone suggesting one. He squeezes Alec as firmly as he can without hurting either of them, because he remembers Alec doing that for him, and for Isabelle and Max, and he figures that's the right thing to do in their situation.

The embrace lasts barely five seconds, but when they pull away Alec looks a bit happier, and that's all Jace had really been hoping for.

"Thank you." Alec mumbles, and he's looking at the ground instead of at Jace, but Jace brushes it off.

"What are friends for?" Jace replies, repeating Alec's sentiments from before, in the library when Jace had been new and angry and scared and Alec had been nothing but kind and supporting.

Alec scoffs out a laugh, and Jace thinks he rolls his eyes but he's not certain. He bumps Alec's shoulder, silently asking him if he's okay, and Alec smiles and nudges back.

Jace thinks that things might actually be back to normal. At the least, he hopes they are. On his wrist, his soulmate mark pulses with a low heat, something that he hasn't experienced in a while.

* * *

 

Throughout all the multitude of foster homes, and the occassional orphanage, Jace has found comfort in very few things. In the quiet solitude of the night, because if there's one thing he isn't afraid of, it's the dark, or in the escapism novels allow. Being with the Lightwoods, has given him another coping mechanism, for when he needs some time by himself.

Amongst the many rooms of the giant house (mansion) is a music room, of sorts. A lot of the instruments are dusty, and don't appear to have been used for years, if not decades. When Jace first finds it he spends roughly half an hour, tracing his fingers across the different instruments. The smooth planes of the cello, the tight strings of the violins hanging on the wall, the faded silver of a once clean and polished flute. And then, Jace notices the dark-brown grand piano in the corner, and without fully realising it, he walks over to it; smile on his face, his hands stretched out, yearning to just _touch it._

The lid is dusty, and it sticks to his fingers when he attempts to brush it off, but he's too focused on unveiling the inside to really care. The keys are a lot cleaner, and he finds himself sliding onto the bench without a single thought. He touches a key, the high note ringing throught the vacant room, and feels himself relaxing as the sound bounces against the walls.

He's not sure why he's so comfortable at an instrument he's never played before, but there's something easy about the black and white keys, the variation of high and low notes, the way his hands fly across the piano as though playing it is in his blood.

It's a release, an escape mechanisim for when things become too much and he doesn't want to talk to anyone.

He just needs to learn how to play it.

* * *

 

Things with Jace go back to the way they used to be, except now Alec is trying twice as hard to hide his feelings so that he never finds out. He's forgiven himself for hurting Jace, although that has taken him a couple of months and a lot of subtle, unconscious reassurance from Jace in the form of delicate smiles and friendly banter and casual studying sessions.

Alec's birthday rolls around and Jace surprises him with a hug that feels like it lasts thirty minutes and a whole stack of books wrapped in brown parchement paper that he knows Alec will like.

Alec doesn't think he's ever felt happier.

Strange though it is, their relationship, and more specifically the bond between the two of them, is stronger now, and Jace seems more open - only to Alec, but open nonetheless. When he has bad dreams, if Alec doesn't feel it, he tells the dark-haired boy about it the next day, and Alec helps talk him through it. He hasn't revealed anything about his past or what had happened to him, but Alec knows that the worst thing he could possibly do would be to push Jace into talking about something he isn't ready for.

Alec's also beginning to think his crush on Jace is somewhat under control, but being around him all the time, every day, means he sometimes needs a little space for himself, a little time on his own without his best friend there to cloud his thoughts.

So one day, on a whim and out of the blue, unlike anything he would usually ever do - Alec isn't an impulsive person, he's rational and considerate but not usually spontaneous - he decides to take a walk around the city.

He's not sure exactly why he does so - for fresh air, mostly, but there's another reason he can't identify in the back of his mind, nagging at him. Perhaps because by taking a walk he's getting away from the house, away from Jace and the places where everything has happened and where his thoughts had first taken place.

He can't escape from his own mind, or his own heart - getting away from what he _can_ seems like the next-best option.

Alec strolls down a street he doesn't think he's ever been down before, and one who's name he isn't concerned with finding. He walks past pleasant-looking stores with vintage dresses, and secondhand bookstores with pre-loved novels. He gets distracted for a second by a sleek black bow and quiver set in the store-front window of a sporting store - he's always been fascinated by archery and other activities that are not as mainstream as football and baseball.

His distraction proves unfortunate, for him, because as soon as he turns around to keep walking, he finds himself bumping into another person. All he sees is a flash of blue before he stumbles backwards, knocking his back against the wall next to the shop window. The force isn't great, and his back doesn't hurt that much, but surprise is quickly filling him.

He pushes off the wall and looks down at the person he'd bumped into (or who bumped into him - he doesn't really know). He finds himself face-to-face with a petite, slim girl possibly a few years older than he is, with sleek black hair adorned with a single, thick blue streak, impeccable winged eyeliner and dark plum lipstick. Her eyes are like a pool at midnight, dark but sparkling, and he's not sure if she's glaring at him or whether that's how she naturally looks at strangers she's bumped into.

"Uh, I'm sorry..." Alec says, because even though he isn't sure who's at fault, or even if anyone is, it feels like the right thing to say.

"Why?" The girl demands, and Alec decides that - with her KISS singlet and leather jacket, torn-at-the-knees black skinny jeans and half-tied combat boots - she's certainly intimidating, and quite possibly on purpose.

He wonders if this is how Isabelle is going to turn out in a few years - a heartbreaker in killer stilettos.

"Because, I bumped into you, or we bumped into each other, I just ... I don't know, I'm sorry." Alec rubs the back of his neck, shifting his weight as he stands awkwardly.

"You don't have to apologise." The girl says, her dark eyes are searching him with a scrutinising gaze.

"Do you do that a lot?" She asks. "Apologise for things that aren't even your fault?"

Alec sucks in a sharp breath, almost ashamed to admit the truth.

"I guess."

"You shouldn't." The girl tells him. "It's rather pointless."

Alec doesn't say anything - mainly because he doesn't know what _to_ say.

"What's your name?" The girl asks, although it's more of a demand, and Alec stutters as he answers, not used to such straightforwardness from a stranger.

"A-Alec."

The girl nods, curtly. "I'm Lily."

She sticks her hand out, slim and slightly calloused musician's fingers - he wonders if she plays the piano like Jace - with nails as black as her jacket. Alec shakes it hesitantly, the grip loose and unsure.

"You're interesting." Lily says, and Alec hopes it's meant as a compliment.

"You're scary." He blurts out, clapping a hand over his mouth as soon as the words are spoken.

To his surprise, Lily laughs, and it's short and sharp but a laugh nonetheless.

"I think I might just like you." She admits, and Alec feels honoured, in a sense, because it doesn't sound like Lily likes a lot of people.

He wonders, if this means he's found a friend outside of his family, someone who doesn't expect things of him that he feels obligated to do.

* * *

 

Lily and Alec take longer to become friends than he and Jace did, but they build up a friendship nonetheless. They don't hang out a lot, once a week if they're lucky, but they text and call a lot, and it feels nice. Alec likes having someone else to talk to, someone he can talk about Isabelle and Jace and even their parents - specifically his father's suspected infidelity and his worries about his siblings - with.

Things that Alec can't tell anyone else about. Like his crush on his adopted brother.

"So, this Jace guy - he's your brother, right?"

Alec nods slowly, looking at Lily from the corner of his eye without moving his head much. They're lounging in Central Park, sprawled out on an old blanket under the shade of a leafy tree. Her dark ombre sunglasses are perched on top of her inky hair, currently streaked with a mix of purple and blue, but her eyes are closed. He can see the dusting of glitter on her eyelids, and he wonders why she wears it. He's never personally seen the appeal of makeup, but that could be just because he's a boy, and he's sure she'd look good without it.

"Yeah." He says. It still feels a little strange, talking about himself and his worries to someone else, but he knows that if he doesn't tell her, she'll just keeping asking anyway. She's determined to know everything about him, and he indulges her, even if he doesn't understand why.

He spares a glance at his wrist, which is thrumming with a steady vibration, as if the very mention of Jace is enough to set it off. It's gotten more intense, the heat and the glow and burning, and he wonders if it's because the universe is trying to remind him that it's there, that he can't escape from it or his feelings, no matter how hard he might want to.

"Is it weird?" Lily asks.

Alec's not sure what she's talking about, so he keeps quiet, hoping she'll elaborate.

"Having a crush on him, that is."

Alec sits up, rod-straight, like he's just woken from a nightmare. It certainly feels a little like it.

"How did you know?" He asks, his voice strained and weak. He knows there's no point trying to deny it, Lily wouldn't believe him anyway.

"I know you." She says, simplistically, and Alec wonders if he's seriously that transparent.

"And, I know what it's like to have feelings for someone who you can't have."

Alec looks down at her, but Lily still has her eyes closed, her fingers tapping a soft beat on the fabric of her jacket. Alec pulls down the sleeves of his own worn sweater, silently wishing he'd bought a jacket or warmer coat. The air suddenly feels icy cold, and his stomach feels twisted and painfully tight.

"He's my brother." Alec says, quietly. "And he's a guy ... I mean, I don't even know if I'm gay or what but I do know that he's, like, the straightest person in the world."

Lily laughs, low and delicate, like notes on a piano.

"I might have a competitor for that one, but I digress."

She opens one eye, her gaze instantly locked on him.

"Are you attracted to _me_?" She asks, and Alec chokes on the air trying to rush into his lungs.

"You're ... you're my friend ... I-"

"And Jace is your adopted brother." Lily reminds him. She smiles, sharp upturned corners and pristine teeth.

"No, I mean you're pretty, but ... no." Alec says after a few beats of empty silence.

He feels a strange urge to say sorry, and there's something else swirling around him, but he doesn't add anything else, because he thinks if he apologises she'll slap him or something.

"That's fine." Lily shrugs. "I'm not really that attracted to guys, so ... we're even."

Alec's eyes narrow, and Lily laughs again.

"Yes, Alec, I am very possibly gay. I think girls are much prettier than boys, and there are few guys I even tolerate."

She grins, devilish and intriguing. "Luckily for you, I don't think you're too bad."

Alec smiles nervously. "I don't know what I am." He admits.

"There's nothing wrong with that." She says, sitting up, her sunglasses miraculously staying on her head.

"And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to Jace, okay?"

Alec nods, even though he doesn't believe her.

She blinks at him, fluttering eyelashes and sparkling irises. "Just, promise me that you won't beat yourself up over this, okay?"

Alec nods, and he thinks it might be harder to keep this promise than Lily's making it sound.

* * *

 

A few years after Jace had arrived, when they were about fourteen/fifteen, before everything had become tense between them, and only just as Alec's feelings were beginning to emerge, before it had become a painful thing for him to deal with, Jace managed to drag Alec to an urban cafe for a late lunch.

Isabelle came too, because Max had an appointment-thing, and she didn't want to be at home by herself. All three of them needed some time away from their house, away from their parents and the undercurrent of tension vibrating through the walls.

They had barely made it to their table, before Jace had caught the eye of a waitress, who looked young enough to be only a few years older than him, with petal-pink hair that barely brushed her shoulders and shockingly bright green eyes. Her skin was pale and probably soft and she grinned at Jace as though she knew just how attractive he found her. Isabelle, even at a fresh twelve, had smiled knowingly and Alec had resisted the urge to groan aloud, not because of his own feelings, but because Jace was bascially flirting, and Alec barely knew what flirting was, let alone how to do it.

It wasn't like Alec wasn't aware of the differences between them. He'd known, for a long time now, that where he hides in the shadows, shining like dull silver because to get to the real him one has to scrub away all the dusty layers he's built up around himself, Jace is one to put himself out there, deliberately in the spotlight, gleaming gold like his hair, bright and shiny and unable to be missed.

Jace craves attention, loves giving it out, enjoyes the presence of other people and the energy it fuels inside of him. Alec preferres his own company, or that of few, people who are close to him and who he trusts.

Even leaving the house for lunch was a big deal for him, but because Isabelle and Jace had wanted him to, he'd agreed. Because he'd do anything for them.

Jace had ordered for them, because it gave him a chance to flirt with Kaelie, the cute waitress, and Alec had shrunk back into the corner of the booth because that's who he was.

But when it was time for the food to be delivered, it was a different girl, not Kaelie, and this one didn't care about Jace at all. She had dark auburn hair, a sarcastic smirk not unlike the one Jace was fond of sporting, and melted chocolate eyes that were studying Alec with shining interest.

Not that Alec could tell. Jace, however, noticed everything, and as soon as she had walked off, he'd explained to Alec just how amusing it was.

It was only after Isabelle had chimed in too, that Alec had to reconsider everything he'd seen and allow even the idea as a possibility. And when she came over again, with the excuse of making sure that they didn't need anything else, her eyes sparkling with merth, her attention on Alec and him alone ... it was a little harder to pretend that nothing was happening.

Of course, as soon as she left, Jace had teased Alec on his unfortunate lack of communication skills, and the overload of flirting directed towards him. Alec had rolled his eyes, but ultimately accepted the teasing, because he knew Jace was only joking and there wasn't any point in trying to make a big deal out of something that wasn't.

And at the end of the day, when Alec had reflected on it, he'd decided that it didn't matter if he couldn't flirt, or didn't realise when others were flirting with him. It didn't matter if Jace was gold and he was silver, or even if Isabelle was like obsidian - dark and slightly terrifying to look at, but fragile to the touch. Nothing, but them, mattered.

Because he was comfortable around Jace, and even though they were different in some ways, they were similair in a lot more of them.

And at the end of the day, they could still tease and joke without fear of hurting each other's feelings.

Alec reflects on that day, sometimes, when things between them feel especially tense and difficult. He wishes things were as easy as they were back then, wishes they were simple, wishes words flowed without censorship, wishes the air between them wasn't thick with tension and unspoken thoughts.

But unfortunately, they aren't. And it's likely because of him, because of his crush, because he has these feelings that he doesn't know how to deal with, and so instead of confronting them, he'd just pushed Jace away. And even though they'd patched things up, there were still times where it didn't feel like it.

It still feels like their relationship is a shaky wooden bridge, with him on one side, and Jace on the other. One wrong step and everything will fall apart, and repairing it will take a lot more than just heartfelt apologies and firm hugs.

He's aware that, to make things better between them, one of them will have to take the first step. Which scares him, because he knows it should be him, but he also doesn't want to be responsible for the destruction of the greatest friendship he's ever had.

Because he loves Isabelle, and Lily is quickly becoming one of his closest friends, and already someone he trusts inexplicably and undoubtedly, but neither of them exactly hold a candle to Jace.

Because they have their bond, and the library incident, and all of the other moments that have shaped them as people.

His relationship with Jace is unique and one of the things he cherishes most in his life.

And he'd prefer to tread carefully along a rocky surface, then have no path to walk along at all.

* * *

 

"Where were you?"

Jace catches the surprised glance Alec throws as the door shuts behind him.

"Out." Alec says, and Jace thinks he might be hiding something, because his reply is quick, barely one-syllable, and he looks nervous and apprehensive.

"Where?" Jace asks again, and he sounds like an overprotective mother-hen but he doesn't care.

Alec has been texting someone on his phone for weeks now, and calling who he assumes is the same person, and Jace, although he doesn't like to admit it, hates not knowing who Alec's new buddy is. Alec isn't the kind of person who makes friends easily, he's quiet and solemn and generally keeps to himself. He's not out there or confident and he's been home-schooled his whole life.

Jace doesn't think it's all that weird, for him to want to know who's gotten Alec so occupied.

"At the park."

"You were at the park?" Jace echoes.

"Yes." Alec says, on the verge of snapping, but Jace isn't ready to back down, not yet.

"With who?"

"Who says I was with anyone?" Alec demands, and Jace can see the anger flashing in his eyes.

"Fine. Maybe you weren't with someone today. But what about those other times you've been 'out'? Or, better yet, why don't you tell me who has captured all your attention recently?"

"Who has ... wait, you mean Lily?" Alec asks, confused and incredulous.

"Is that your girlfriend?" Jace asks, hurt that Alec has been keeping this from him. He thought they were closer than that.

"No!" Alec replies, and there's fury flashing in his eyes, heat brightening his cheeks.

"We're friends. That's it." He adds, a little calmer.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" Jace asks, and he's ashamed at how pained he sounds.

"I didn't know I needed to." Alec admits.

"It would have been nice." Jace tells him, his voice laced with venom.

"I'm sorry." Alec concedes, and Jace fights down the anger so it's simply boiling below the surface.

"Just, maybe next time don't keep things from me?"

Alec nods, looking sheepish and embarrassed. He steps forward, and Jace welcomes the hug.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Alec mumbles."I just-"

"It's fine." Jace says, although it sort of isn't.

"I'm going to go and take a walk." He adds, and when Alec raises his eyebrows, Jace just shrugs.

"I just want to clear my head."

Alec still looks uncertain, but Jace smiles to reassure him.

"You never know, I might find myself a cute little girlfriend of my own." He says, winking smugly.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Alec yells as Jace jogs to the stairs, and Jace grins to himself.

"Whatever you say."

* * *

 

Jace doesn't find a girlfriend of his own - he jogs a lap of the block before he gets bored and returns home. Alec's on the couch, reading, so Jace just walks past him into the kitchen. He grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and hops onto the bench, curious as to how long it will take Alec to come in and tell him off for sitting on it. A sign that things aren't as topsy-turvy as they seem.

It's not as exciting breaking the rules when no one comes in to tell you off, though. After ten minutes and a quarter of the bottle gone, Jace jumps off the bench, wandering slowly into the living room.

Alec's fallen asleep on the couch, the book he'd been reading on the floor, closed and upside down. Jace wanders over with a fond smile - Alec looks peaceful, like when they first met. Free from stress and all the big worrisome burdens of the world. He knows that Alec has been - and probably still is - stressed about something, and even though he doesn't know why or what it is and there's a big part of him that wants too, deep down he really just wishes Alec was calm and at ease, more often.

Jace takes a blanket from the opposite armchair and drapes it over Alec, tucking it in at the legs in case he doesn't wake until the morning. He picks up Alec's book and sets it onto the coffee table, pushing the furniture until it is a safe distance away.

"I don't know what's bothering you," Jace whispers, knowing that he'd never be able to say it when Alec was awake. "And I wish I did, so that I could fix it. Just like you've helped me, ever since we met."

Jace sighs, deeply, exhaustion taking over him. "You've been my best friend, and generally the greatest person I know, and I want so badly to return the favour, but ... I can't do that unless you tell me, Alec."

"Something's up," He adds, straightening and stretching his back, relishing in the satsfying pop of his muscles.

"And I'm going to find out. Because you deserve anything I can give you."

* * *

 

"I want to introduce you to some friends of mine."

Alec stares at Lily, who's grin is making him feel uncomfortable.

"You have other friends?" He jokes, because he's honestly never seen her look so delighted before. It's kind of unnerving.

"I knew people before I met you." She counters, before slinging an arm around his shoulder. He pulls down the sleeves of his sweater when he realises how serious she actually is.

"When are we meeting them?" He asks. They had agreed to meet at the park, again, but a quick scan around them provides nothing - unless Lily is friends with elderly couples and their Yorkshire Terriers.

"Now." She says, and then she's tugging him along the path that leads to the park's exit and Alec feels his heart jump into his throat.

"So, there's Raphael - he's young, about sixteen or so, but he acts like he's twenty-seven. He'll probably glare at you like he's going to kill you, but it's okay, I promise he's not a murderer."

"How do you know?" Alec asks, and Lily just grins.

"Because he hasn't killed me yet."

Alec nods, it sounds fair enough coming from Lily, and she continues.

"Then there's Maia,"

"The girl you're in love with." Alec guesses, and he knows he's hit the jackpot, as Lily freezes and they stop at an abrupt halt.

"I'm not going to say anything." Alec promises, miming a zip across his mouth. "My lips are sealed. You've got your secrets, I've got mine, neither of them need to be revealed today."

Lily squeezes him a little bit before tugging him along again. "Thank you." She whispers, and Alec smiles.

"Then, there's Magnus." Lily continues, picking back up from where she left off. "He's, eccentric but charming. If he likes you, you know it immediately."

"You have a wide variety of friends." Alec comments, and Lily nods.

"The best kind."

* * *

 

Alec doesn't bring up the mysterious 'Lily' again, and Jace doesn't ask about her, because he gets the feeling that Alec wouldn't tell him anyway. He hopes, that he might spill eventually, the same way Jace might tell him the truth about his past and the assorted marks scratched into his skin.

One day.

**Author's Note:**

> Technically Lily's eyes are light, "seeing Lily's pale eyes narrow" (253, City of Bones, paperback edition) but I'd already written the description as noted above "Her eyes are like a pool at midnight, dark but sparkling" and I think I love it to much to change it now. And, you know, I pretty much have this whole thing already written. 
> 
> P.S Biggest thanks in all of the world to the ever fantastic 'alecsmanwhore', whose contribution, critic and overwhelming support is half the reason this work even exists. I've been working on this since September, and all doubts have been erased thanks to you. xx


End file.
